Episode 166: Booking Bernie to Win the Democratic Championship

I rarely get involved with politics but this set of party primaries have been energetic and polarizing. From the beginning I have thrown my hat in the ring in favor of one, Bernie Sanders. I’ve seen pretty much all the debates and believe him to be the right person in the Oval Office. I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m Bernie or Bust but I’m a big fan to say the least. With that in mind, my fanfiction speculation powers have been machinating one particular scenario as to how this all plays out. I write this with the backdrop of watching way too much wrestling programming. And so I shall book the finale of the nomination as if it were the Monday Night Raw after a major PPV event for WWE (haven’t seen enough of the other things to get a proper feel for their storytelling style). Think of it as a weird script. Here goes.

We open in Philadelphia, the last day of the Democratic Convention. Bernie Sanders and his fans have their spirits deflated, to say the east. Even after the mathematic impossibility of winning, the voters had come out to support him over the last few primaries. The 60/40 victory over Hillary in California was a shot of hope to the heart but ultimately, the lead of pledge delegates was too much to overcome. It was close but no cigar. Polls now had Trump edging towards victory in the general against Hillary but Bernie still being a clear favorite in hypothetical match ups. Super delegates had been meeting left and right to make their call but ultimately decided that taking the election away from “the mandate of the voters” so far would set a dangerous precedent.

The convention has been tumultuous but as Senator Sanders saw the writing on the wall, he told his supporters that this is a democracy first and foremost and it was time to face his counterparts as rivals but not as enemies. It was loud, chairs were lifted and put back down, a few points in the Democratic agenda had become more Bernie friendly, planting the seeds towards a more progressive future for the party and hopefully for the nation. They do a super delegate roll call to give their vote and they pretty much all go for Secretary Clinton. The vote stops semi awkwardly before some of the truly higher ups could give their support (including President Obama) as the magic number had been hit by then. The protesters were out in the street at this point and things were getting heated. Bernie slips out of the convention as Hillary Clinton is about to give her acceptance speech. Many call it a disrespectful snub but reporters quickly shift their call to one of praise as the Senator from Vermont gives an impassioned speech to the huddled masses to stave off the potential riot. The collective blood was cooled down from boiling points but the people are still rooting from Bernie.

Debbie Wasserman Schultz goes to the floor of the convention, says that the nomination process is finished but still needs to be officially ratified in the next seven days by the actual leader of the party, President Obama. Hillary Clinton goes out and gives a nice speech about party unity but the general atmosphere is still one of meh and business as usual. The convention is pretty much ending but the crowds are still out there. A few last minute meetings were taking place as the delegates start to leave and some address the media, about what just happened and asking about these cryptic new tweets by Donald Trump, who has been saying “wait for it…” for the last few hours. Bernie leaves the grounds and a few reporters try to come to him but the crowds cheer so loudly you can’t cover the noise factor. A little later, Hillary comes out alongside Bill and Chelsea but also with a lot of Secret Service agents around them. The boos are clearly audible. The reporters try to get there to get a statement. A few people try to jump the barricades but they are quickly dissuaded by security but then a small group of people flash badges and go forward. The crowds go silent…

The group walks with determination towards the new nominee and the reporters and agents are scrambling to figure out what’s going on.

“FBI, Mrs. Clinton you need to come with us. NOW!”

The reporters’ microphones are close enough to get audio of what’s transpiring. The Secret Service Agents take a step back, Bill is aghast, Chelsea is super quiet, and Hillary is LIVID!!! She starts telling the FBI agents that she’s not going anywhere, that the investigation was already taken care of, and that they shouldn’t be here. The lead agent declares that they need to go but she insists that she’s not moving until they explain what’s going. “A new source has come forward with some evidence against you”. Hillary is getting into a Vicky Guerrero style fit as Bill tells her to calm down and just go with them, things will be resolved but she is having none of it. An FBI van comes in and Hillary begrudgingly gets into the back of the van. Bill immediately gets on the phone and starts calling everyone as they shoo the reporters away. As he and Chelsea walk briskly away, she stops and kneels to pick up a discarded “Sanders 2016” sign and she does a devilish grin like Stephanie McMahon.

Lots of police come immediately afterwards to preemptively disperse the crowds. Reporters are scattered trying to find out what just happened and all other politicians are nowhere to be found. And then, they have a call from the network HQ saying that there’s a new Trump tweet: “Worth the wait. #ByeFelicia”

Over the next few days, the news media outlets are insane with speculations. Details are sketchy but things are coming out. A backup of the mystery email server was found, a few mostly inconsequential bits of information regarding national secrets are there. Enough to be suspicious, not enough for there to be a traitor declaration, except for Fox News who has basically proclaimed that Trump should already be President. Bernie Sanders is avoiding the press at all costs and the rest of the Democratic party is in a panic. By day three after the fiasco, more details emerge as the FBI investigation spreads and evidence towards the supposed conspiracy from the DNC against Bernie start to emerge and everyone is just in a state of confusion. Some voices are calling for the destruction of the party, others that Hillary still be the nominee no matter what.

The confusion and chaos are slightly quelled as President Obama calls for an emergency joint session of Congress and the Senate immediately to address what is going on and provide leadership to the DNC. It’s only been a week since the FBI took her away but some suppose that Obama is going to just pardon Hillary immediately and let her run anyway, even if it means basically signing over the presidency to Trump as new polls put her in an abysmal situation. Pretty much every leader of the party at every level is there to see what happens. Donald Trump has declined to come as he has “huge, tremendous deal that needs to be sorted out.” But even though all the people are there and things are about to start, a minorly bearded Bernie Sanders emerges to fulfill his duties as a Senator from Vermont. Whatever hopes and fears that he can run as an Independent have been stifled by the fact that most states’ deadlines to appear on the ballots have passed. All of the minor outside political parties have also declared that Bernie is not welcome after declaring his support for the Democratic Party during the earlier convention.

Obama enters and he does his “My fellow Americans…” protocol. All of the television channels are carrying the event. A few minutes in, Obama explains what has transpired and sheds further light into the situation. He wants to keep talking but prefers that if he should say this part it should be clear and to the affected party’s face. At that point, Hillary Clinton is escorted in to a chorus of murmurs as she walks in surround on all sides by agents that aren’t exactly Secret Service. She’s not handcuffed but you can tell the agents are there to make sure nothing crazy happens. Obama explains that:

“Democracy is the law of the land; it is the foundation by which this great nation was first established by the founders. I have arrived by this position by the trust of the American people when they voted for me and when they voted for each and every elected official in this room. It is a trust that has been fragile at best but now seems shattered. The people within the Republican party have done their primaries and while we may disagree over the candidate we do not question the process by which the people selected him. Fair is fair. On the Democratic side, the people have also voted and a clear majority have voted for Secretary Clinton as our nominee. This is what democracy has established and proclaimed. But, let me be clear, this process has been mired in controversy and the peoples’ voices have been put into question. While these two people are the nominees for the position of President of the United States, it is still a position that I still hold and will use the powers of my office to regain the trust of all Americans. A decision that in the name of transparency I will take into effect right here and right now.”

The people from Congress and the Senate suddenly start going crazy as to what’s about to go down. Hillary has a confident grin as she believes that her salvation is upcoming. The murmurs continue as Obama pulls out a large envelope and he begins to speak once again.

“I have consulted with my Cabinet on various options as to what decision should be made. It has been made clear to me that I am well within the rights of my office to enact this action. With one stroke of a pen I can assure that democracy continues on the path that has been set already by the voters. HOWEVER, the duties of my position as President are to ensure that democracy as a whole can continue forward; not just for this upcoming election but for the one afterwards and the one after that so long as this nation continues to exist. And so I make this decision, not as the president of these United States of America but rather as head of the Democratic party.”

Hillary’s face turns pale as her jaw slightly drops. The confusion continues in silence as Obama opens the envelope.

“In my hands, I hold here the paperwork from the Democratic National Convention proclaiming our nominee. These forms need to ratified by me within one week after being completed by myself. And by my calendar, I still have a few hours to sign this. But since the super delegate votes weren’t properly conducted and since all of you are already here… I propose a motion for a recount of these delegates to be done right here right now.”

A formerly dejected Bernie Sanders springs to life with hope as within a few seconds after Obama says this, he stands up and screams. “I second that motion.” Hillary screams for an objection, but Obama says, “I’m sorry but this is only open to debate by CURRENT senators and congressmen and women.” The people go nuts with that comment but they forget to object as Obama waits a brief moment by saying, “Well with no objections let’s start the recount. Let me start, I vote for Senator Bernie Sanders and I urge my colleagues to do the same.”

An “I am Spartacus” moment emerges as each of the super delegates join in to vote one by one for Sanders, starting with Joe Biden who is super enthusiastic about it. Hillary tries to control herself but she is clearly seething as she asks her handlers to get her out of there. As all 700+ heads of the party proclaim their allegiance as their Republican counterparts are just in awe of what is happening. Obama ends that by saying that:

“Transparency and the law must be maintained for the trust of the people in our party and our government must be regained. And so I have asked the Department of Justice to join the FBI in their current investigation as to the issues regarding Secretary Clinton and that charges be filed as the case is resolved. Justice has been blind for far too long in avoiding the prosecution of those in power rather than the rule of law be equal to all. I will do everything in my power for the trust of the American people to be reforged with those they task with representing them and I urge the men and women on both sides of the aisle to do the same. God bless you and may God bless the United States of America.”




PS. In case you were wondering, yes Chelsea was the new informant for the FBI in my above political speculative piece of fiction. I have this scene in mind where Hillary is in self imposed house arrest of sorts to avoid the media. The empire is starting to collapse. Bill and Hillary are in damage control, trying to contact people but their calls go unanswered. Chelsea comes to visit and is confronted with what is going on and why she isn’t doing more to help. It’s at this moment that the heir apparent says that maybe the ship is too far gone and just needs to sink. Bill says that everything they have done is for her and her future. Chelsea says that this isn’t the future she wants. She’s seen what power has done to her family and it needs to be stopped. Hillary is like what are you talking about and that’s when she confesses to being the FBI’s new lead. The parents stumble to their seats as they are aghast with this apparent betrayal. Chelsea says her piece about how power corrupts and she’s already seen the changes to her family. Bill tries to claim that that’s just how the system works but she answers that maybe we need a new system. Bill wants to stop her but says “you do what you think is right baby girl.” As Chelsea says her goodbyes, Hillary screams “If you you leave this house right now then you might as well go to Hell!” Chelsea calmly responds without looking back. “Way ahead of you mom, I’m already feeling the Bern.”


PSS Because dramatic tension and sequels, let’s say that the post credits scene is Donald Trump in his office, looking at the news. Bernie is doing an interview as to how he will accept all current donations from the pro Hillary Super Pacs who now want to help for him since the money is already raised but that no other funds will be collected in that way during his run. Chris Christie comes in, the television is turned off. Trump says “can you believe this guy, turning down free money.” Chris asks if he’s worried about having to face Sanders now. Trump does his face of shrugging confidence and says come on I want to show you something. “I’ve got this plan for a huge overhaul of our embassy systems across the globe.” He pulls up some computer files with badly photoshopped huge Trump signs on pretty much every major global landmark. The last one shown is the Trump moniker on the Great Wall of China.