Episode 127: How I Would Write the Deadpool Movie

I’m about to go into a dissertating writing marathon but I always like to warm up the the old noggin with way too much overthinking of nerdy things. This time, I want to talk about the Deadpool trailer that has been making its rounds around the Interwebs for the last week or so. It is not an actual trailer, but rather test footage that was made in order to garner interest for a potential full length film. A few of my far nerdier friends were quick to point out that while the reveal got recent attention, it was actually made way back in 2011. Entirely done in CGI and with the voice of Ryan Reynolds, it is two minutes of what Deadpool should be. Sure Ryan Reynolds was technically Wade Wilson in X-Men Origins but that was “Barakapool” and we don’t talk about that. Reynolds has stated for years that he would love to give the role a proper cinematic treatment and while his Green Lantern was bad, I’m sure he would be the perfect Merc with a mouth. One problem, the movie has been in development hell for years.

The situation is pretty simple in its complexity. When the comic book bubble burst in 1994, Marvel almost went bankrupt and they had to sell the movie rights to a lot of their characters in order to not go out of business. FOX got the rights to all things X-Men and other ancillary characters, which include the regenerating degenerate because Deadpool’s healing factor comes from Wolverine (long story). He existed in the above mentioned movie and FOX has been considering giving him a solo movie for a while. Of course that would involve getting the right combination of director, producers, writers, and cast. Even with Reynolds’ interest in the project, the other factors just haven’t become real enough for anything to be made beyond the test footage. The Internet rejoices over the found footage and the film seems more likely than ever but further issues still arise. Mostly, Deadpool is chaotic neutral at best and his brand of hilarity is gruesome and crude. A film true to the character has to be rated R but the super hero franchise makes most if its money when it stays in the PG 13 area. In order to resolve this problem, I submit my idea for making the movie happen and keep everyone happyish with the results. Someone please pass this along to Marvel so we can get started right away.

I admit my experience with Deadpool revolves around a few of his most current issues, Deadpool Kills Deadpool, and watching a Let’s Play of the videogame that also recently came out (check out a cool scene from the game here.) Considering that one of his most beloved super powers is his fourth wall breaking abilities and the knowledge that he is a comic book character gives you a way to deal with the film and the rating system. In my version, Deadpool knows that he is a comic book character that is now in his own film. The interior monologues revolve around the fact that he can’t understand why things aren’t as a bloody or dark as in his own world. The voice in his head explains that the world needs to be PG 13 and in many very meta moments, Deadpool skirts the line as to rating border. The best joke in my head so far is that he is perfectly aware that he only gets one F-bomb to throw, so he anxiously waits for the perfect moment even as his profanity laced language. It’s ridiculously meta and can be pretty intense and close to R rated if they do tricks like discretion shots or changing blood for sweat, like they did in the SNES version of the first Mortal Kombat game. Deadpool is aware of all of this and points it out with a sense of discovery that he gets to share with the audience.

As for the plot, minimal back story is best. Maybe some exposition, a flashback to the Wolverine Origins movie (if it’s still being done by FOX) and keep going from there. Actual plot could be very simple: person offers Deadpool a ton of money to get something, he does a lot of bad things, gets betrayed, and then he gets revenge + redeems himself but only a little. SO much collateral damage. The other idea is super complicated craziness which is basically him and Cable time traveling to save the world but shenanigans keep occurring (issue #26 has them both taking out a time traveling Hitler and it was epic.) Cable travels back in time to stop some sort of horrible disaster but Deadpool hitches a ride back. A few malfunctions later and shenanigans ahoy. There are a ton X-Men baddies he can go against or he could just go against an organization like ULTIMATUM for nameless goons galore. Maybe Mr. Sinister like in the video game.

So yeah, super violent and hilarious with meta awareness forever and maybe some time traveling. It would probably include a lot of CGI to make it work but it should work. Let’s hope someone takes me up on these ideas or does something way cooler.

Keep regenerating,